Singing Out Like the Ancients
Michelle Crowl
Stage fright hits many people, even those of us who have been on stage for a long time. In Efes, Turkey, at the theatre of the ancient city of Ephesus, I, Michelle Crowl, pushed away stage fright and found my own voice where millions had performed before me.
Ephesus, in antiquity, was a bustling major city next to the sea, which is now about six kilometers away. The location was near the mouth of the Menderes River, West Turkey today, south of Smyrna, now Izmir. During the 2nd century BC, Ephesus was the fourth largest city in the eastern Roman Empire, famous for its Temple of Artemis and Library, third to Alexandria and Pergamon libraries. After the harbor silted up and was no longer accessible, the city was abandoned. Ephesus was also the location of the church that Paul’s letter to the Ephesians was written to. Located on the slope of Panayir Hill is the theater of the city.
I went into the theatre with other students on the Biomes of the World study abroad trip. As soon as I sat down in the reconstructed seats, I was awed by the beauty of the ancient Graeco-Roman architecture of the stage building that was three-stories and 18 meters high. Its construction started in the Hellenistic Period around the third century BC. During the period of the Romans, it was expanded to a capacity of twenty-five thousand seats. The theatre was used for concerts, plays, religious, political and philosophical discussions, as well as gladiator and animal fights.
While we sat in the ancient seats, Professor Anderson told us that the last time a group came with him to Ephesus, one of the girls went into the center and sang “Amazing Grace.” Then the question came, who was a singer who would go down this time and sing to demonstrate the acoustics of the ancient place? I laughed, thinking no way is anyone going to do it and most likely not me. But when no one said anything, I semi volunteered, but I would only sing if someone came with me. I went over the words of the song while more students in the group kept asking others who had sung before. Becky joined me, followed by Liz, then Nate. We made our descent from the seats to the stone stage. While we went over the words, Allen joined us. Now there were two sopranos, Becky and I along with an alto, Liz, and two tenors. We could do this!
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach from nervousness. The fear in my mind was that the words would not come out. Like the performers in ancient times, I was on stage in front of an audience I knew and did not know. What could happen? If I was a flop, none of those other guests would even remember, so might as well go for it. Even knowing that, I was scared to death to make a complete idiot of myself and be made fun of for the rest of the trip, even though I had other people with me.
Finally the small ensemble was ready and I begasn the count in complete nervous state. What came out was the uplifting and beautiful:
Amazing Grace,
How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
The fear had completely left me. As I sang I felt myself becoming more and more confident with my voice and went louder and louder. As I got louder I could hear the song swirling around me. The sound that came back to my ears was one that I had never heard a modern theatre produce.
As the song ended I felt a hint of sadness in that I had to stop producing the beautiful sound, not remembering the second verse of Amazing Grace. I could have kept going. When I walked off the stage and back to the group, I felt no embarrassment around them or the tourists who were there. Singing had given me a new kind of energy and strength that kept me going throughout the day. For the rest of the day I found myself humming the old hymn and trying to remember the other two verses.
What I hope is maybe, just maybe, those other guests who were in the theatre took to heart some of what I sang there on that stage. For it really is Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.