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Steven Milcinovic

Steve finding his perspective through the Biomes trip

Photo:  Biomes participant

    Ten weeks ago I knew who I was.  Ten weeks ago I knew what the world was like--I had seen it on CNN.  Ten weeks ago my world was smaller.  Ten weeks ago I lived a highly sheltered and privileged life.  Ten weeks ago I left on a life altering trip.

    Today I no longer know who I am.  It’s kind of funny. People usually travel to discover who they are. I traveled knowing who I was and then lost it.  Today I know more but understand less.  Today my world is larger, stranger, and less comprehendible.  Today is a day of mixed emotions.

    Nine weeks ago I was in Alaska.  It was then that I came to realize that it wasn’t all a frozen wilderness with oil resources.  I was surprised to find myself so far north during winter and finding it to be quite comparable temperature wise to where we had just left.  It was then that I can to realize the huge impact currents could have on different regions of the world.  We huddled round a warm fire and slept in rooms reminiscent of the dorms back home.  The change was subtle and almost unnoticeable.
   
    Eight weeks ago we were in Hawaii.  It was winter yet I was swimming out in the bay.  We had previously learned in our classes back home about endemism and the cichlids of Africa, yet here we were observing them first hand.  It was amazing how far the western most state is from the mainland.  Books about the bombing of Pearl Harbor often cited the United States fear of the fleet in San Diego being attacked next or even the Panama Canal.  In these books it seemed as though such feats were easy and could have happened immediately after the bombing, yet, as we saw, Hawaii was more than a thousand miles from the mainland, and such literature misled me.  Here too we lived in luxurious comfort.

    Seven weeks ago we were in Thailand.  The people weren’t as short as I had been led to believe.  In Bangkok I struggled to breathe, every breath seemed empty of oxygen and full of smog.  Back home when I was young I had thought the ABC footage of people wearing those painter’s masks as they walked the streets was borderline comical.  When I was there I found that there was nothing funny about the situation; it was in fact quite horrible.  I never could have understood what it was like without having been there.

    Six weeks ago we were in India.  This was a country of firsts.  It was the first time I was faced with a child beggar.  No older than six, he appeared emaciated.  He should have been in school. Instead, there he was at the train station begging for his next meal.  He stared at me and gestured his hand to his mouth.  I could see hope in his eyes but I disappointed him.  In that moment I disappointed myself.  Who was I to deny this kid a meal?  Who was I?  His face has since faded in memory, though in the dark of the night all these weeks later I can see those piercing eyes.

    Five weeks ago we were still in India and I fell ill.  I turned 21 and for my birthday I got a show where I witnessed death at arms length, literally.  By now I had grown accustomed to grave poverty and I became numb to it.  The country had come to represent a place of despair and depression.  Five weeks ago I realized that I had changed.  How, I did not really know and yet it was evident.

    Four weeks ago we were in the Maldives.  Here I found my interpretation of the Garden of Eden.  I was in heaven, the water was warm and the fish and coral numerous.  This has become the largest motivating factor of mine to fight global warming as it would be a travesty if this piece of heaven on earth were not around for my children or children’s children to enjoy.  I had seen places such as this on the television and read about them in books, but nothing can prepare you for immersing yourself in it.

    Three weeks ago we were in the United Arab Emirates and Egypt.  We had returned to civilization that I was familiar with.  In Egypt my identity as well as my mild sunburn from the Maldives began to peel.  We saw great feats of ancient civilizations, but the pyramids to me didn’t seem as great and grand as I had been led to believe.  Three weeks ago our class actively participated in doing what we knew to be against the teachings of our course and yet for some the destruction of the desert quickly became one of their favorite side trips.  Yet who am I to judge for I too found myself enjoying it.

    Two weeks ago we were in Turkey.  I came to realize that while I was parading around the world, life back home continued.  A great aunt I hardly knew died, and then out of the blue I was again single.  That night it all hit me, and I discovered that I was lost.  I woke to the dark and was unsure of where I was.  In that moment I could see the boy from India staring at me, and I could hear Heather’s voice.  I woke up and for hours sat there thinking of that boy.  What was his name?  Where was he from?  Would he die young?  Could I have actually made any difference?

    Tonight I sit in luxurious comfort.  I find that I am again spoiled and I am still privileged.  I am still a loving son and brother.  I am still an avid fisherman and tennis fan.  I am still an idealist.  Yet despite all that, I find that I am a different man.  What that difference is and what it means for me I do not yet know, but perhaps it will help to make me the person I wish to be.  Perhaps one day we will be able to feed all of the hungry.  Perhaps the future will be brighter.  I still have hope.

Steven Milcinovic

milcinovicsa at my. hiram.edu

last updated 24 October 2008